“I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.”
Our song opens with the heroine reflecting dreamily on these words, ” I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.” Perhaps these are words her lover spoke during their last leisurely encounter, and now they burn in her soul, as if to make a clearing for the garden of love.
A man must first esteem his woman. He finds her beautiful and he tells her. This is rule no.1 for marital harmony. The man must genuinely love and adore his wife. It’s easy to do when she is young and perfect, at the height of her beauty. All of this is to help you bond as one and so fulfill and experience the mystery of love, and maintain it into old age where beauty fades, but the heart shines.
“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.” Proverbs 5:18,19
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” Ephesians 5:25
Does your man love you? Does he speak such wondrous things into your soul? Does he make you feel beautiful and you know he really believes it?
Love starts because He first loved us.
I believe love is at the heart of the foundational dynamic required for a successful erotic relationship. I believe it is not until the man genuinely adores and appreciates, as a valued treasure, his woman, that a relationship can begin to go forward sexually.
If a man is in a relationship for any lesser reason ie, comfort, easy sex, financial benefit, boredom, loneliness, a need for a house cleaner etc, sex will always be plagued by the emptiness and insatiability of lust. These days, women choose and pursue men, but I don’t think a woman’s love can hold a man. He must love her or learn to love her by filling his mind and soul with the heavenly imparted love that Gos has for each one of us.
In a successful erotic relationship, the male adoration of his beloved stirs a trembling response and flowering of self-acceptance in the woman. She feels and looks more beautiful when she is in love. Eros is a divine potion for a woman’s health and beauty.
“As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.”
But it doesn’t stop there. Now the lover makes his voice heard, pledging his fidelity with single-eyed focus. There is no comparison, his woman alone attracts his attention, so far above all others is she prized and esteemed by her King.
This builds the second pillar of Agape within the erotic relationship. When the woman feels that her man only has eyes for her, it gives her confidence and a safe environment where she can relax and express more sexual openness and trust.
“As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”
The third pillar is her adoration, preference and care that she bestows on her beloved. He also is set apart in her world. In this case, the woman’s lover is represented as a wild apple tree in the woods. This was a particularly delicious tree, sweet to her taste. She would watch over it and enjoy observing the naked form blossoming in spring. Then she would eagerly await the full ripening reward of Autumns fruit.
The esteem and favor she bestows on her beloved inspires a rested, easy, delight-driven submission (I sat down under his shadow with great delight), which she knows protects and shelters her from life’s hardships. At this point she becomes vulnerable. Many women never can let themselves go there. This is another road block for your consideration.
“He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love”
When a woman can move into a place of natural joyous submission, and honors her beloved by esteeming him more greatly than all others, it sets the stage for the fourth pillar, the response now comes from the man.
Female vulnerability inspires and draws out another of Agape’s treasures, the male desire to protect, nurture and provide a feast for a soft woman ‘s soul. Letting a man be a man is what it is all about.
“Stay me with cakes of pressed dried raisins, comfort me with apples: for I am weak because of love”
The reward of this woman’s adoration and submission is an overwhelming depth of sexual experience that makes her weak, melting in a rest of responsiveness to her lovers movings.
“His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me”
After lovemaking is a glowing time of repose and embrace. Make the most of these comforting moments of peaceful unity.
“I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.”
There are many levels upon which one can consider these lines. Satisfying sex promotes deep feelings of relaxation and well being which one should allow our man to enjoy. Do not cut it short but indulge him. Sex will often make him sleepy. It’s ok as long as had the energy to make you happy. You might get up and clean, but let him sleep in on the weekends. Make life easy for him. You will get more good sex if he’s happy, fed and rested.
These lines could also be seen, on another level, to be the wise cry of advice from the Lover, Queen and Bride, triumphant in love. Her advice, let the man take the lead in love and be patient as he learns to do so. Adore and prefer him to all others and allow yourself to feel the natural submission that comes as a result of esteeming your man.
So ends the first section of the Song of Songs.